In Class 12, when I had decided that I wanted to be at MIT, I was more amazed about the college than the things that I had to do for going there - The exams, SOPs, studies all seemed to fade away in front of the very idea of MIT. When students my age were preparing for State CET, the Common Entrance Test, I thought about nothing less than MIT.
I knew I wanted to be there. I knew I deserved it. But what I did for reaching there, was totally the opposite. In a joint family, where getting to spend some alone time was a herculean task, it was difficult for me to comprehend and explain to myself, why I was wrong.
I could see how little I was doing for my essay. I could see the fact that cleaning the house was not as important as getting my recommendations from the Vice Principal of my junior college. I could see I did not need to fall in love with some one else. I could see how terribly scared I was during exams for the subject I loved - Math! I knew I wanted to participate in the Regional Olympiad in Math, only if it did not cost the Rs. 60/- that I could barely afford at that time.
But seeing does not mean acting. And I did not act. Because all the time, I wanted to believe that I was meant to be there. I was amazed at the fact that I would be surrounded by people who make an identity in life. I wanted to make one too! Only, I did not participate in the process to be the identity I wanted to be! I was sure that I would ardently work once I reached there, but I wasn't sure of working hard to reach there.
MIT might be for the super geniuses, but it might as well could have been for me.
Products or the ultimate goals in life are as important as living the journey. None the less, even though I did not make it to MIT or any good university in the US or the IIT's in India, I lived a life of my own.
The journey made it up for the loss. The fear of not being able to get the course of my choice - Engineering, was more fearful than the fact that I was not going to make it to MIT. I realized I should have acted. 5 years down the line, when I look back, I know I missed a dream back then. But I also know I learned who I was, who I am, and who I want to be!
I might have never known
how difficult it is, to code without a computer or a laptop…
how amazing it is, to top your class…
how refreshing it is, to dance when all you know is shaking your left feet in no particular sync…
how mentally satisfying it is, to climb mountains, sleep amidst insects, work with interesting but non functional electronic kits just to get the multiplexer right, and falling in love with a college and place that was nowhere close to your 'dream' college.
I guess I cannot thank my stars enough for letting me live the life I lived, even though it did not teach me that the Fourier Series is much like the wavy-view, of the moon when seen through a sieve or the fact that I would've known better examples that represent the Fourier Series had I been at MIT.
